I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
