Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
