butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
