he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
