I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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