That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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