i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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