you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
