I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
