I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
