i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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