Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
