I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
