Soap is not a condiment
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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