the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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