Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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