Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
