There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
