haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
