I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He passed out mid-signature
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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