You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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