Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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