Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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