my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
