i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
