Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
