He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
