Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Boobs speak an international language.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
