When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
