Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
