When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
