Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
