So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
