So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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