that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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