he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Who died my cat blue again?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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