Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
