i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
