ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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