Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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