I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
