I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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