I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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