you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
