Duck Duck Cougar?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
