apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
