Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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