I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
