So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
