Your face is a jimmy john
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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