You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
