If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
