he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
porn star boner night. come get it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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