then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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